In a marriage, anytime one spouse tries to win, both spouses lose. Solving the hurts and pains in marriage takes a death, not of a person, but of pride, and competition.
My wife and I are very different. We think, say, and do things differently.
So often we fight (she says argue) over stupid stuff that hardly matters except that we’re both competitive and I want to win. We get plenty of practice at having to step back, stop competing, and let go of our strong desire to be right. We have to let it die.
If you fight, only fight to resolve and gain peace. Fight for we, not me. Marriage is a team where we can only win together, not against each other.